This week is National Nanny Recognition week. It’s a rather ridiculous “week” that only nannies and everyone following them on social media know about. If I had to guess...I would assume that a few disgruntled nannies came up with this week of recognition. I can see a day...but a whole week? Seems rather excessive, right?
Not to brag, but I don’t need a week of recognition. I KNOW my family truly values me every day and that’s the best feeling in the world. It’s worth more than any pay raise, bonus, flowers, candy, concert tickets...etc. There’s nothing wrong with giving gifts of gratitude (as I am sure they are appreciated), but it’s the genuine acknowledgment of a job well done or a heartfelt thank you that means the most (at least to me). I’m cherished, I’m valued, indispensable (some days ;)) and a chosen part of this family...I feel the same way about them as well.
I am a nurturer by nature. It doesn’t stop once your kids hit 18. Your employers need to be nurtured as well. They may not admit it...they may not even realize it, but all the same...they need it too.
The smallest act of kindness is far better than the grandest good intention.
-Adapted from Oscar Wilde
If you have a nanny make sure you celebrate them in whatever capacity and let them know how much they are valued!
In honor of this special occasion, I will be answering a few questions that have been submitted by readers and popular questions that I have been asked over the last 10 years of being a nanny (Ouch! That makes me feel old!!!)
Get comfy!
My kids are very unruly. They hit each other and they hit me. It doesn’t hurt me but I want the kids to know it’s not ok. The parents don’t really discipline the kids and I feel like this is only going to get worse.
-Mindy in Austin, TX
Mindy,
Physical violence is NEVER ok.
I would talk to the parents in a very gentle and non-threatening, non-confrontational way (when you are calm, cool and collected) and tell them exactly how you feel. Start your conversation with “I feel like...” it’s difficult for others to angry just because you are expressing your feelings. Ask them If they have a solution to the issue at hand. If they do not, offer your own suggestions. Maybe a time out or taking allowance away would be effective. Usually if you find out what the child loves and values the most, you can use that as leverage when disciplining is necessary. In most cases, it remedies the problem very quickly. Personally, I would NEVER physically hurt a child (even though I don’t have children of my own, I do not believe that corporal punishment has any place in raising children.)
The point is that all children respond differently to different forms of discipline. You have to find out what works best for each individual child.
I also believe that consistency is key. Everyone in the child’s “village” of caregivers (including parents) should be on the same page.
Kids sense weakness like no other. They know when you will cave and even when they know you mean business, they will still test those boundaries.
I try my best to model my “parenting” after what I believe the children's parents would do. I am the proctor and even though I know my families have always trusted my judgement, I still want be an advocate for my DB (dad boss) and MB (mom boss.) Additionally, if you can’t see yourself advocating for the parents because you don’t like their parenting style and are unwilling to be flexible or if you just think your way of doing things is the only thing that matters, you have two options: talk to the parents about your concerns OR LEAVE (with ample notice of course.) Either find a family that has similar child-rearing values or find a new profession.
Being a nanny is not something you do just because there’s nothing else you feel qualified to do. Being a nanny takes A TON of patience AND SKILL. It takes A LOT of love and a genuine passion for nurturing children.
If your employers are unwilling to work with you to come up with a plan of action and discipline, LEAVE. Get out of there and fast. It’s only a matter of time before someone gets seriously hurt. It most likely will be one of the kids, and you will most likely be the one held responsible. If they can’t recognize their kids have behavioral issues now and take action, the kids will never be accountable for their actions.
Sorry this is happening to you!
Find a family that loves and VALUES you like you are part of their family.
Best of luck!
-XOMA
SOS
I have an awesome nanny but now that my kids are in elementary school, we only need her part-time. We love her and don’t want to lose her for another family that is offering full-time work. What do you suggest?
Thanks!
Ansley San Diego, CA
Hi Ansley,
Have considered a nanny share? Nanny shares can work a few different ways. The first one would be that the nanny splits the hours between two families to make up a 40hr week. Each family is responsible for paying the nanny for the hours she worked and the families do all of the searching/hiring/coordination. The next nanny share option would be for the nanny to work for two families, keeping separate hours. The nanny can find the second (or third) family. The last option would be for the nanny to keep your children and the second family’s kids at the same time. For example, if you pay $14/hr for your two kids and the second family normally pays $14/hr for their two kids, each family would pay around $10/hr for the time that the nanny is taking care of all 4 kids at the same time.
Some things to keep in mind when entering into a nanny share:
Create a plan of action in the event one of the kids is sick. You don’t want one kid to make the other 3 sick, but you also need to make sure that you have the flexibility in your job to stay home with the sick child or have a back up nanny that can be on call for emergencies.
Make sure you know the family well enough to know that your kids will not be impacted negatively if you are doing a share where all 4 kids will be with the nanny at the same time. Bad behaviors/habits are easily learned from young and impressionable minds.
Make sure you like the second family, but be prepared to let the relationship end if needed. It can be awkward to share a nanny especially if the kids are all together. You could possibly end up in a fierce duel with the second family...you don’t want that family to be your best friends or neighbors!
All the Best,
XOMA
Help!!!
I have been a nanny for 9 years now. When I started with the family I have been with for most of those 9 years, I was making what I felt was an appropriate wage. Several years later, I am still making the same wage!! My employer feels like the job that I do is commensurate with that starting wage. I have grown to really love this family but I can’t help but think that my salary is just a drop in the bucket for them and even though I can really use the extra money and have asked for the raise, I am still getting shut down.
Lilly
Seattle, WA
Lilly,
I am sorry to hear about your situation. I’m going to be very blunt for a moment. It is not your place to say what they can and can’t afford nor is it any of your business.
You need to write down all of the reasons why you deserve a raise (most of the working world gets raises yearly at minimum, nannies shouldn’t be any different.) Include that you have been there x amount of years and then list all of the other reasons why you are the best at what you do. Are you a self starter? Do the kids fawn over you? Are you taking on more responsibility since you started? Have you been available to work when last minute requests are made or emergencies come up? Do not sell yourself short.
I would memorize that list and talk to them again. If they still won’t recognize you for the stellar employee that you are, put in your 2-week notice.
Everyone deserves to be valued, especially when you are providing an invaluable service and contributing to a better quality of life for that family.
Your employers will soon realize that starting from scratch and finding someone new to bring into their home is not as easy as they remembered. Building up that level of trust takes several years. Hopefully by then you will have found a much more deserving family that appreciates you.
The real issue to me is that I don’t think this family sees your worth and values you, which is a shame since you’ve given them so many years of your life and have been so loyal.
For any readers that might be in a similar situation but have employers (or are employers) that cannot afford to give a raise, be honest and communicate openly about it. Compensation comes in many different forms. Maybe a raise is out of the budget but a cut in hours (without a cut in pay) is. Maybe an extra day or two of vacation can be worked out or some personal days. It seems like a shame to throw away all of those years on such a (seemingly) easy fix.
All the Best!
-XOMA
Lights...CAMERA...ACTION!!!
I just interviewed with a family that I like and they seem to like me. The only issue I have is that they have cameras in their homes. I know they are just looking out for the best interest of their family and home, but it seems very distrusting to me. Even though I would never do anything I wouldn’t want someone else to see, it still makes me uncomfortable. How do I approach this touchy subject?
Caroline
Marietta, GA
Hi Caroline!
Cameras are generally a touchy subject. You can try expressing your feelings to your potential employers, but my thought it that they won’t budge on something like this. Especially since installing cameras can be a very costly expense. Even if you are extended an offer and agree to being video-graphed for now, it doesn’t mean that they will turn the cameras off once they know you better and can trust you.
Cameras are not only used to spy on nannies, but can be useful in documenting things like injuries. If a child is injured while you are with them, a video recording of the incident can help your case showing it was an accident. It can also help determine exactly how the child got injured, making his care and recovery go more smoothly.
Personally, I do not mind either way if a family has cameras in their homes. I know I would never do anything to harm the children or do anything unethical. I would however like to know that they are there so that I don’t do anything embarrassing...like pick a wedgie or something!
I think from the other perspective too...parents would want their in-home help to know that there are cameras, right? It keeps the nanny a little more on her toes and may prevent a bad situation from happening if the (bad) nanny knows there are cameras around.
Only you can decide if you are or aren’t comfortable with being on camera while at work. I get how it can feel like a major invasion of privacy, but unfortunately there are bad people in the world that make such security measures important for some families. Maybe make a list of the pros and cons and decide from there!
Best,
Meredith
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